Surviving Infidelety - Introduction
Surviving infidelity and an affair is possible. It may not feel that way if you've recently uncovered the affair of your spouse or partner. If you have just uncovered the affair, or the suspicions of infidelity are so intense that they're driving you out of your mind, then, you know what I'm talking about. Nonetheless, there are specific steps or stages, mental shifts you'll make, that will propel you through this infidelity crisis. Survival may seem a completely fitting word. It truly feels like emotional, sometimes even physical survival. The fear and pain can be debilitating and excruciating. It strikes at the heart of who you are, or thought you were. Surviving infidelity and an affair means that you will make shifts in your thinking. You see, there are many common misconceptions about surviving an affair that make surviving an affair and the healing and recovering from infidelity much, much more difficult. And, as you begin to make the shifts, you begin to survive the affair, begin to feel relief and a new confidence in your ability to say and do exactly what you must to not merely survive the affair but know what you can do to possibly stop the affair, begin your healing process and perhaps save your marriage or relationship.
Surviving Infidelety – The Different Kinds
Finding out about a spouses cheating is one of the most devastating and emotionally wrenching events that can occur in a marriage or relationship, comparable in many ways to the death of a spouse. Infidelity rips apart everything that was once whole and complete in your marriage. Everything now is fragmented, your trust in your partner, your sense of peace and security, your self-esteem and confidence, every aspect of your relationship, as you had known and enjoyed before the infidelity, has been affected. So that you know exactly what it is that you may be facing, and that you can start to heal from it, you must know the various types of infidelity. Here are five different types of infidelity to watch for:
1. Opportunistic Infidelity: The first is what is known as opportunistic infidelity, which is where a partner may be madly in love with the spouse, a desire for another person is expressed or taken advantage of. When one partner is particularly driven by situational behavior of this type of infidelity, it is more likely to occur.
2. Obligatory Infidelity: Next is obligatory infidelity and this occurs when one partner avoids, denies, or refuses the sexual advances of the other partner. This can often lead to feelings of insecurity and rejection. In this case, the rejected spouse may turn to cheating, because of a need for acceptance and approval. This is despite the strong love and attraction for their spouse.
3. Romantic Infidelity: Then there is romantic" infidelity," where one partner who has cheated has done so because they have lost all feelings for the spouse or partner.
4. Conflicted Romantic Infidelity: While still holding a very strong sexual desire for the spouse, a partner can become romantically involved with another partner, and this is known as conflicted romantic infidelity.
5. Commemorative Infidelity: Then there is commemorative infidelity when a partner has completely lost all feeling for their spouse, but is still in that relationship.
Surviving Infidelety – How To Fix Your Relationship
There is no quick fix, or pat answer, to the question of how to survive infidelity and restore your relationship, but there are definitely positive steps you can take to work through it. What you need to know and understand is that recovery IS possible and that you can, and will, survive this most difficult of times. But it is paramount that you have a plan to start rebuilding the damaged elements of your marriage. When experiencing a crisis most people feel more at ease and confident if they have a logical, concrete, working plan - something solid they can stand on in a time of such uncertainty and emotional instability. Below you will find 3 healing phases of how to survive infidelity and restore your relationship:
Phase 1: The Cheating Victim Crisis:
Your pain must be dealt with first. Restoration and healing cannot come to your marriage until you have first looked at yourself. To survive infidelity you first need to deal with the flood of emotions and thoughts that are bombarding you. It is essential that you have a strong internal foundation if you are going to be successful in restoring a solid foundation in your relationship.
One of the first pieces to the puzzle of how to survive infidelity and restore your relationship, is addressing the negative impact left by the actions of your partners betrayal. This includes dealing with, in an effective manner, the many negative thoughts and emotions, the disturbingly riveting images of the cheating, and the self-doubts, until you are able to get a grasp again on at least a small portion of internal peace.
It is vital that you first lay this internal foundation in order to successfully lay down an external one in the next phase. How To Survive Infidelity Takes A Lot Of Guts!
Phase 2: The Couple Crisis:
Now you must move forward and begin working and healing through the infidelity together. This will likely prove to be as challenging, if not more so, than working on yourself. Communicating effectively with your partner is the second strategic piece in the puzzle of how to survive infidelity and restore your relationship.
You need to be mentally and emotionally prepared because this phase will more than likely feel quite strained, especially in the early stages. A lot of emotions will arise, some that may even surprise you... ones that have perhaps been repressed and ignored. If you have a lot of anger you may start lashing out at your partner. In turn, they may react with the silent treatment or an attitude of indifference, as a retort, for feeling uncomfortable because of the damage they have caused to the marriage.
Both you and your partner are going to have to put some real energy and effort into working together on your communication skills. And being the victim, you are going to need some form of trust and sense of confidence that your spouse is on-board and committed to the process.
Be aware, also, that you will likely go through periods of negative thoughts as you start working with your partner to save your marriage, but this does not mean that your internal foundation has been compromised, or is at risk of falling apart. This is just part of the natural process of trying to build communication again after something as devastating as an affair.
Phase 3: The Rebuilding of Your Marriage Or Relationship:
Once you have re-established a working mode of communication with your spouse, where it is more positive and constructive in nature instead of angry, with emotional tirades of accusations and condemnation, then you are ready to start rebuilding your marriage.
This is the pivotal piece in the "how to survive infidelity and restore your relationship" puzzle, and is defined by being positive and proactive in your thoughts and actions. This phase will be characterized by transparency and establishing trust again. This is where you begin doing away with the mentality of, "this is how we've always done it" thinking in your marriage and replacing that mindset with a much more solid foundation, where your marriage will be governed by a very clear-cut, and defined set of rules and parameters.
Surviving Infidelety – Conclusion
The beauty of the marriage relationship is such that it is never complete. There is always work that can be done - improvements that can be achieved. And you need to be committed to this most rewarding of processes. I say committed and you must not allow yourself to lose sight of your goal - that of surviving infidelity, and the ultimate goal to save your marriage or relationship. How to survive infidelity and restore your relationship involves having a positive attitude and a constructive game-plan. As you put your best foot forward and continue towards your goal, refusing to let anything defeat you, you will begin to experience restoration and healing and the love for your spouse will start to burn again. Understanding your partner's wants and needs is crucial to surviving infidelity, and you can only do that by talking one-on-one about both of your needs. Equally crucial is the need to discuss these desires with your partner instead of with friends and family. If you feel that there is a need to talk with someone outside of your relationship, discuss things with a marriage counselor. Also remember to come back to this website as I will update it with new surviving infidelity tips and help so you will get your get your marriage/relationship back on track.